Something depressing, hopeful, and loving

the last couple days have been a mix of everything...

i found out yesterday a dear friend of mine, with an 18 month old girl, just left her husband. oh shit! Yes, I had not seen her in a few months, we just kept missing each other, Avery or I had a cold/flu like every week of Jan & Feb and this, that and the other thing kept us from catching up more than email. They came over for a play date yesterday and I got the news. She said she has been keeping these feelings bottled up inside and has not really talked to anyone about it for a very long time. I was stunned and I can't stop thinking about it... literally. As you can tell I cannot even write a complete sentence right now.

She is a stay at home mom, and moved in with her sister. They don't plan on divorcing at the moment due to religious beliefs - but she has been moved out for 4 weeks now. Stunned, still totally stunned. I just cannot stop thinking about what happened, when, why, how this changes her entire life ahead of her, and especially her daughters life. The minute it came out of her mouth I cried... not sure why, but I couldn't control it... and then we both cried for quite some time together.

It makes you check in with yourself, your true self, and realize just how extremely happy I really am. I did a lot of listening yesterday and not a lot of questioning - but as she was talking, when she was listing some of the things that went wrong, inside I was saying to myself "thank god i don't feel that way about my spouse right now", "thank god i don't feel that way about decisions I have made right now", "thank god i don't feel that way about my life right now". I was no way comparing myself to her in a spiteful way... but it was more of a check and balance, spur of the moment response in my head. I feel exhausted just thinking about the decisions she has had to make, the decisions that lie before her, and if I was in that situation what I would do next. She is very strong, stronger than I think I would ever be.